Thursday, December 02, 2004

I did my bit for World Aids Day by buying two books from an Aids Action second hand book sale. Okay, I feel bad. What difference is a quid going to make? I am getting nervous that I'll be confronted by dozens of those charity people that wear bibs and try and get you to sign up to make regular contributions by direct debit. I always reckoned I could put up a brave argument that I did my bit for charity and that they were just an inconvenience to the public, as they always get in your way when you're in a rush. And have you noticed that they target the nicer looking, better dressed sections of society? You never see them haranguing a bunch of smackheads. But how could I be convincing knowing that my only contribution to charity since Children in Need has been a measly pound? It doesn't really stand up to scrutiny. My opinion of these street hawkers has been tainted of late. I was wandering through town a few weeks ago and felt the need to purchase a couple of Cornish pasties, and bit into one of these piping hot snacks just as a woman from an animal welfare charity stood in my path. "£1 for a badge to save the animals?" she said, thrusting one of said badges in my face. The pasty was incredibly hot and I could feel the skin dripping off the roof of my mouth. I was in no position to reply, as I was in too much pain. All I could do was go "mmmm, arghh, oooh". This was taken as a yes and I thought it was best to just hand over a quid and move on while some of my mouth remained intact. But at least I got a nice badge of a fox that I never wear.

I really need to negotiate my image rights in light of my employer making my face available to all and sundry. I feel like a whore, if that's not too emotive a word to use. If you do a search for me here now, you'll be able to see me pretending to work when, actually, it's abundantly clear to anyone who looks at the monitor and can see through the watermark that I'm sending emails to my friends. I expect you all to have me hanging above your fireplace in a nice frame by Christmas.

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