Sunday, March 04, 2007

Primeval scream...

First draft done I was free to concentrate on Primeval, ITV's extremely derivative sci-fi comedy drama designed for fans of Hannah Spearritt's underwear drawer. Hannah's character Abby conveniently lives in a reptile house-cum-apartment and, as a result of the heat, is unable to wear anything atop her bikini briefs (although she does tend to wear matching socks - probably because she has stripped the floorboards in her residence and doesn't fancy a splinter in her former S-Club 7 feet). This week, as well as the underwear (she opened her front door wearing just that), we saw the return of the dodo through one of those peculiar anomalies in time that Hannah and her less-visually stimulating colleagues are...actually, what is it they're trying to do? I still don't know, as I proved when M, who is disgusted by the whole enterprise, asked me to explain what the hell was going on.
I have subsequently conducted research via the official Primeval website and, although I'm still none the wiser re anomalies, I now know that Hannah's character...

  • Went on holiday to the Galapagos Islands as a child and has had a love affair with lizards ever since
  • Left university after only one term when she got a job as a Zoo Keeper
  • Falls in love with the wrong men - likes them moody and a bit dangerous
  • Hobbies include yoga (Ashtanga), karate and kick boxing
  • Prefers animals to people (most of the time)
  • Has a chronic fear of spiders
See, there's more to her than a little pair of knickers. And what a coincidence - in the character biog for J Arthur Rank, I dropped in a line about his love of Ashtanga and kick boxing and mentioned that, in his South Street office, Rank liked nothing better than sitting in his Y-Fronts. Not true, obviously, but required for the purposes of drama.

Of course, the dodos that returned via the anomaly (which was an anomaly that led to another anomaly-ridden world described as "the Spaghetti Junction of anomalies") weren't real dodos, they were the result of televisual CGI trickery pokery. The CGI on this show isn't brilliant but the unrealistic FX are further compounded by the cast's inability to act with stuff that ain't there. For instance, in a scene that involved the recapture of several dodos so they could be stuffed back from wence they came, the cast didn't appear to have been told where it was they were supposed to be looking and moving. Still, despite the recurrent naffness and Douglas Henshall's irritating accent (has he had a stroke?) I am strangely captivated by it all. I wonder what colour Hannah's pants will be next week? Come on, you're wondering too, aren't you?

1 comment:

bazza27 said...

What with your comments on my blog and your apparent obsession with Hannah's pants, I can only come to one conclusion, You're not a writer at all, you're a bloke.