Solo polo vision...

The positive effects of the acupuncture appear to have totally subsided. Which I suppose is why I'm expected to have a full course of needle insertion - I'm in this for the long haul. Anyway, I was in a pub in an East Riding village tonight and a woman who couldn't make up her mind had this to say: "It's all psychological. If you didn't drink, you wouldn't need the acupuncture." "Yeah?" "Yes. If you drank, you wouldn't need the acupuncture." Just as well she isn't The Doctor. Imagine. "I'll insert a needle. Oh no I won't. Oh yes I will."

Needled...

To the Herbgarden for acupuncture with The Doctor. There was another mini-consultation afore I was asked to take things off. Never having been in such a situation before, I immediately went to drop my trousers. "Noooooo! The trousers can stay!" After that, things became much more relaxed, although I was terrified as four needles entered my head. But the pleasant tingling sensation that followed a quick needle twiddle more than compensated for my disproportionate fear. "Just relax," said The Doctor, having inserted further needles into points in my feet, drawing some curtains around me and pressing play on his laptop's Media Player, ushering in some bamboo pipe and qin ensemble. It was all nice and good and I could feel the Qi running rampage through me old body. I also got some free acupressure thrown in. The immediate aftermath of all this left me feeling chilled, glowing and chipper and even parting with the necessary fee felt pleasurable, although that was pretty quickly shattered when I returned to my desk. But, well, the breathing's improved and my ankles have gone all wobbly and pain-free.

TCM Wednesday...

Swayed by an eye-catching array of funky-lookin' herbs, flowers, seeds, roots and leaf stalks in jars I found myself heading into the Herbgarden Chinese Medical Centre, seeking a remedy for the breathing trouble that's plaguing my life right now. Two minutes later I found myself in a consultation with a nice, extremely jolly chap known only as The Doctor. Ten minutes and a convincing chat about how my breathing, kidneys, heart rate, blood pressure, back and neck could all be improved by the insertion of some very fine, sterilised needles later and I found myself signing up for a course of acupuncture, which starts next Wednesday. I'd only nipped out for a sandwich and a packet of Wrigley's Extra.

In other news...Gethen Jones' admission that he once soiled himself during an interview he conducted on Blue Peter has to be one of the funniest things on the internet right now ("When there's nowhere to go, you have to just wipe it with your pants and put them in a bag" is a classic quote that will surely follow the lad to his excrement-ridden grave) and this, via Rob Miles, is simply superb.