Best foot forward...

Radio reports this morning announced that two severed feet that had been found on the southbank of the Humber had finally been identified. Neither foot had anything to do with the other. The first foot - found, on August 11 on Cleethorpes beach - was a right foot. The second, a left foot, was washed up near Barton-on-Humber on September 4. But they were not a pair. Not sure how normal it is to find random severed feet. Although I did raise an eyebrow when the newsreader told me that "Humberside Police said there were no suspicious circumstances." Isn't this just a little bit suspicious?

Read the BBC News Humberside Forensic tests on feet found near estuary identify men story.

Security has left the building...

Nipped in to Hull's city centre behemoth of a supermarket. As I walked through the security sensors the alarm was triggered as someone exited with a jumper full of booty. Directly ahead of me, centre stage, was a blue-shirted security guard familiar to anyone that's seen a game at the KC Stadium. His real name is Rob Jenkins but most of us know him round these parts simply as Elvis. Our Elvis is under 5ft and packs a few more pounds than his namesake did in his prime (more a Vegas-era paunch) but does have the most smashing set of sideburns. When he's not doing security he is, as the look would suggest, a pocket-sized singer of the Presley canon (he was once in a friend's play - I'm not saying he's typecast but, yes, he played an Elvis impersonator) that goes by the great stage name of Bobby Diamond. Elvis stood looking at the space where the shoplifter had, briefly, passed through. He started grinning and shrugged his shoulders. "Let another one slip through your hands, have you?" I said. "When it's this busy it's not easy. By the time I'm through the crowds they're out of the door." I suggested he moved closer to the exit and adopted a stance that suggested he was ready to pounce on any offenders. He nodded approvingly and went into this 'pounce position' and I left him to it. As I walked off I heard the voice of a young lad shout, rather merrily, "See you, Elvis!" Then the alarm sounded again. I glanced back and Elvis was, once more, just shrugging his shoulders.

Psycho...

This country's new knife crime tsar is Alf Hitchock. Alf Hitchcock? As a nation we don't really help ourselves, do we?