Monday, December 20, 2004

At last, I have filed my final review of 2004. It was hardly a classic (no panto is ever going to be a classic) to go out on. Disappointingly, given what theatre's become in the last few hours, there were no big demos outside asking for the show to be shut down on the grounds that Paul Shane's a bit of an anachronism or that nobody can remember what Frazer Hines has been up to since leaving Emmerdale in 1972 (subs, check this and put the right date in for me). Wow, no more panto for 50 weeks. Thank a formless God with many names. Dare I suggest Behzti for the next production at the Hull New Theatre?

There was no mirror in my wing mirror this morning. It had been rather cleanly removed overnight. Well, I say cleanly. When I got to work and daylight had risen, there was a rather unsightly dent in the driver's door. At that point, I felt physically sick. I'm assuming someone slid into my vehicle this morning, when the roads were covered in ice. But I try not to let things like car damage worry me unduly, so I shrugged my shoulders and moved on, safe in the knowledge that I was off to panto tonight and that would cheer me up no end. Who am I trying to kid? Thanks, whoever you were, for driving off and leaving me with the expense of repairing and replacing what you left me with. Which, as I say, is without a mirror. Paul Shane, the Hi-de-Hi freak, better be good tonight or he'll be paying the price for all this. Never mind trying to ban controversial new play by Gurpreet Bhatti, the Sikh community should get behind me in my efforts to outlaw panto, which is a crime against intelligent people of all faiths and creeds. Give me a ghastly rapist cleric getting busy in a Sikh temple over a fading soap star dame scaring off a ghost anyday. Oh no you won't etc, etc, etc.

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