Tuesday, January 11, 2005

The editor of a newspaper was closely observed in his glass office and, after saying the word fuck a lot, was seen to slap himself on the forehead as if a member of Hisbolah. Is it worth it? Well, for that massive salary, it probably is. I can only sleep safely in my bed secure in the knowledge that I don't suffer from those incredible levels of stress that go hand-in-hand with heading up a newspaper that brings news first, full and first, fast, furious and first or whatever the fucking handy, extremely memorable, slogan is to the people of a city that is consistently pathetic when it comes to education, housing and pretentious places to eat, drink and suffer jazz. Talking of suffering, as a quick glance backwards makes me realise that, without a thesaurus, I'm nothing except prone to reuse words like suffer, an act of big boy bravura in a coffee house has aggravated my rather painful tongue (it feels as if I have been licking a cheese grater for at least 72 hours. Just to save you a trip to my desk, Sue, I haven't. The use of a cheese grater in an office poses a serious H&S risk and, following a risk assessment, I opted to leave my grater where it belongs - still on the shelf of a well-known supermarket. I shall, from this day forward, purchase ready-sliced/pre-grated cheese. Which reminds me - my sister once told me that she preferred to buy 1lb of pre-grated cheese rather than 1lb of the untampered dairy stuff because it 'went further' when she melted it on toast). When it came time to order, I asked my co-eater what he was having. He went for a massive, extremely thick sandwich packed with spicey stuff. Me, with my tongue throbbing and my throat closing up, but keen to demonstrate my macho prowess, simply said: "And I'll have the same!" I am a fool. Tonight, I would gladly have my tongue cut out if it would make the pain go away. Oops. That is insensitive to any readers of Killing Time who come here sans tongue and I must apologise before the comment box gets overrun with complaints from my many mute and mutilated fans. Ouch. Could someone email me some Rinsted Gel?

Keen readers, of whom there are none, might have noticed that I have posted some new links on the right. I can recommend them all. Well, it would be crazy not to. Otherwise, why am I linking to them? Pay them all a visit. Really. Go on. What are you still doing here, reading this? Click one! What do you mean which one?! Any of them! Now! Tsk. But please come back...........hello........hello? Are you there? Hey! I said come back! Suddenly, I feel very alone in the blogosphere...

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