>>>>>Killing Time<<<<<

I've been up to my elbows in paint for the last six hours...wait a minute, wasn't that yesterday? Sadly, no, I really was balancing precariously on a set of rickety steps yet again. Aaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhhhh.

Killing Time's Top Three Reads of 2004

1: James Frey - A Million Little Pieces. Okay, this was released in 2003. But I didn't read it then. Why, I don't know. Maybe the hardback price was too prohibitive for a man spiralling into debt, or maybe I was too busy dealing with death and a marriage breakdown. But, when I did eventually get round to it, it felt important and helped me make sense of some stuff in my life. I don't feel the need to enter rehab, or have therapy and I despise all these dull fucking David Pelzeresque tales of woe. Yet Mr Frey's solipsistic ramblings got me hooked.

2: Mark Haddon - The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. Everyone's read this now, I think. A beautiful tale of the hunt for a dog killer by autistic Christopher John Francis Boone. And when I say autistic, we're not talking a sub-standard Rain Man caricature. Heck, it makes you cry.

3: Bob Dylan - Chronicles. A shock entry, given that I've only dipped in and out so far. I'm amazed that Dylan can remember this shit. But he takes us right back to the Cafe Wah? And the beauty is, you don't have to listen to that fucking awful voice. Until, that is, the singing book version comes out. I've always liked Dylan's comedic side, rather than all that protest gubbins and his nasaly wining, and in pages packed with lyrical prose, there's plenty of laughs to be had.

Killing Time's Most Annoying People of 2004

1: Jimmy Carr. The end of the year was his. Could he have fronted any more ludicrous "The Year's Most Hilarious Moments Involving Kittens"-style programmes? He must be desperate for the cash, I guess, but, well, fuck off Carr, you're off the artistic roll call forever, as my mate Bill might have said.

2: Johnny Borrell. Some frontmen have charisma in abundance. Other's just talk the talk. Sharon Osbourne really needs to shout and tell the world that this man is a fake and a pretender. The music's all right. But, frankly, all right's not really good enough.

3: George W Bush. 58, gung-ho and a simpleton. And, quite possibly, the Devil incarnate. Actually, in a world where Jimmy Carr is more annoying than George Bush, nothing makes sense. It must be the paint fumes.