>>>>>Killing Time<<<<<

Late night phone-ins are great, are they not? Especially when they're hosted by a some-time actor with no people skills. Last night, up here in the north, a gent phoned up after drinking a bottle of bleach, inhaling fly spray and swallowing some unidentified tablets. It ruined the host's planned night, an evening of chat about paedophilia which had, up to that point, been left to the host herself - urging paedophiles to phone to tell her all about what goes through their minds - and email correspondent Ronnie, who admitted to finding his daughter's friend "highly attractive", a statement that the host found "very dodgy", before whittering on mysteriously that "I'd never in a million years describe Ronnie as dodgy" and engaging in a semantic argument about the words attractive, pretty, bonny and good looking. All of it nonsense. And for who, I wonder? Host finally had the decency to talk to the fly spray, bleach and tablet imbiber off air. While they played The Carpenters We've Only Just Begun. Which was the cue for getting the fella an ambulance. Is he dead? Will Ronnie, 40, married, retract his statement? Well, I shall have to listen again tonight, now, won't I?