Sunday, May 14, 2006

Blands have more fun

Extra time in the FA Cup, then, thus rendering a radio appearance a low-key affair. Even mother, my official archivist, was watching Liverpool triumph on penalties. Still, there was at least one listener aside from me (and I was watching the tv with the other ear), as some lucky soul won a pair of tickets to the play. Best avoid the cast during the early part of next week as have gone down with a stinking cold. Not that I can do anything now other than just sit there and watch, and I'll be doing plenty of that come opening night.
There's been a disappointing lack of Michelle Dewberry hysteria around here since the bland, blonde expressionless ex-checkout girl superwoman wannabe won The Apprentice the other night. There's no sign of a civic tickertape reception as yet, no announcement that she'll present the HDM's Business Awards wearing nothing more than bra and pants, no image of Michelle appearing on the city council's plethora of PR hoardings that cover every development opportunity in the city. So, on the back of my recent experience of writing biographical drama, I have taken it upon myself to contact Cameron Mackintosh with a view to writing a West End blockbuster musical about Michelle's rise from the rough 'n' tough streets of Hull to the heady heights of a job disposing of companies' unwanted computer equipment. The lyrics have all but been written by Michelle already. "I've lost people close to me, but I did not let it destroy me. Instead, I used it to propel me and give me strength and determination..." she said in the final showdown, thus making Alain Boublil look like an amateur. Now, imagine that set to a bit of plinky, plonky piano, backed by a chorus of child labour and Hull's other success story, Liam Mower, of Billy Elliot fame, jumping about all over the stage to the rhythm of Sir Alan Sugar's asthmatic breathing and surely we'll be looking at a longer run than The Mousetrap.


Anonymous said...

Are you aware of what this girl went through? You do know her sister jumped from a tower block? How would you have responded if it had happened to you? Is absolutely everything fair game for a Dave Windass gag?

Dave W said...

I'd hope I'd respond in an appropriate manner. Such as work hard and then, hopefully, win a job with Sir Alan. Michelle's brilliant. Am I not bemoaning a lack of appreciation for the dopey blonde lass?

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