Balls...

My, wasn't the World Cup Final exciting? But if I hear Alan Shearer say something along the lines of "let's hope that Zidane's not remembered for that after all the great things he's done for the game" one more time, I swear I'll eat him. C'mon, it was only a shameful head butt to the chest, it hardly compares to turning on a tuppence or spinning on a shekel in the six yard box. Zidane certainly won't be remembered for his Christian name, given that nobody knows how to spell it. Nor his flamboyant locks of hair. Anyway, despite Motson's claims to the contrary, there's nothing quite like a penalty shoot out to sort one set of men in shorts and shin pads from the other (hope, too, in the Italian victory, that England could, one day, overcome their penalty hoo doo). France might have had the better of 120 minutes but they lacked the mental power to whack the ball past an average sized man standing in front of a comparatively enormous net. And, thus, those of us that only follow the 'beautiful' game during big tournaments can return to our seldom-aired thoughts that football isn't a game of two halves but a load of macho nonsense that we were scared of in our youth due to nasty sports masters who were too keen to hit you on the arse with a trainer with a smiley face painted on the sole not to be sexualy perverted predators.

At last, then, the nation can return to more important things. Such as Big Brother, Celebrity Love Island and, if our near neighbours are anything to go by, playing awful party tunes and drab mobile disco fayre like Dexy's Midnight Runners and Tony Christie until the early hours of the morning using a sound system that wouldn't have gone amiss at this weekend's T in the Park (was there any need to pick up the mic and ask "Helen, do you want another drink love?"). Also, without the distraction that something's on the telly that I need to watch if I'm to comprehensively complete a wall chart before it gets hurled in the bin, I might get some writing done.

Listening: Jesus & Mary Chain - Automatic / 13 Senses - The Invitation.