Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Innuendo my arse...

Big Brother's overjawed Mikey (pictured in X-Ray top left, bottom left is the skull of someone who has never seen Big Brother) has a strange grasp on what innuendo is. Talking last night about fellow housemate Richard, Mikey said: "He goes too far with all the innuendo. He'll say he's getting into bed with me and he'll be fucking me up the arse." Innuendo? Huh? Homophobic certainly, although Irish lad Spoiral is the biggest homophobe, and, in an effort to reinforce his heterosexuality in front of everyone, is also something of a sex pest. Something to do with being rejected on national TV during a game of Spin The Bottle and, of course, being an idiot.

Headed to the tip with the last of the rear garden rubbish - a collection of nasty old carpet that the previous occupants of our house used to live, and if the state of it is anything to go on, excrete on. And an old bath and a sink. The council employees that work at the tip are, quite possibly, the most unhelpful human beings in the world. They deliberately mumble instructions as to where you should deposit your rubbish just so that they can shout at you when, for instance, you inadvertently drop your stinking carpet in a metal skip reserved exclusively for wood. I was advised to tip my sink and some brick rubble "mmfhgp fhdfsdp hsdgs!" "What are you saying?" "Mmfhgp fhdfsdp hsdgs!" "So, where should I put it?" "Mmfhgp fhdfsdp hsdgs!" In the end he was so frustrated with the way that I couldn't translate his mumblings that he offered some directions via the miracle of pointing with his filthy hands. In future I shall fly tip.

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