Levels of spam have increased by more than three inches. This morning, I gets an email announcing: You've Seen Them On TV...GAIN 3 INCHES in size. Ask your wife - SIZE DOES MATTER! Which is much the same as every other spam email I've ever had. Apart from the bit about seeing them on TV. Seen what, exactly? I will be confused for the rest of the week, or at least until I get another message from George Watara, the audit manager of the African Development Bank (ADB) telling me that we can share $9,500,000 if I give him my bank account details. Have you ever wondered why penis extension spammers haven't gone metric? I have. But perhaps I have too much time on my hands.
Off to see Macbeth tomorrow. I dislike Shakespeare as it reminds me of uncomfortable times in English Literature O Level class, where we were bombarded with Twelfth Night mercillesly. As a result it made less sense at the end of the school year than it did at the beginning. While I can see the historic merit of reviving the bard's plays every once in a while, for the most part it's a lazy, cheap option for theatres that expect to flog tickets to schools and other learning establishments in an effort to put off another generation from attending theatre because the students will end up thinking it says nothing to them. Shakespeare's plots certainly stand up but the language, alas, is a barrier for many. When I was a theatre critic I naturally had to see oodles of Elizabethan nonsense, most of which just made me angry. The only theatre company that have ever entertained me with Shakespeare is Halifax-based Northern Broadsides, who do it all in a rather meaty northern dialiect and with a rapid Tarantinoesque pace that, somehow, cuts through the bullshit and makes perfect sense. Tomorrow's Macbeth is a Hull Truck production directed by our pal. By all accounts he's going for pace too, and has reduced the text to make it sit comfortably with contemporary audiences. Alarmingly, I'm looking forward to it.
Newspapers work at a rapid pace and, in these electronic times, that pace is quickening. Nice to note that, given the pace, few errors occur. Nice headline on the HDM's website today, though, and I do hope it made it into the print edition: INSIDE PAGE GLEAD WORDG. That's the dummy headline they have set up on the page templates they use. A bit like, although not as bad as, leaving a picture caption like, "Image of fat woman here". So, there's your headline. The story, because there's nothing else happening around here this week, is about rugby.
INSIDE PAGE GLEAD WORDG
A Lifelong Hull FC fan has had the daunting task of organising 45 coaches to get the team and their army of fans to Old Trafford.
When they say lifelong you expect a pensionable gentlemen for some reason, don't you. But, oh no, never assume anything. The lifelong fan has only led a short life and is,
Katie Gellatly, 21, of Orchard Park, north Hull.
Love that headline, though.
Listening: Polysics - Electric Surfin' Go
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