M loves a meme and, over on her blog, she is openly inviting folk to come up with a list of People I Would Like To Be Friends With. Normally, I have better things to do with my time, such as attempting to rid my body of the lager and red wine I consumed last night. But I live with her and, thus, I am, I've been informed, contractually obliged to do what I'm told. I have checked and I am allowed to make friends with dead people too. Weird but, then, I didn't make the rules. Apparently by reading this list you will find everything you need to know about me. Such as, depending how many dead people make the list, how much of a raging necrophiliac I am. So, here goes. Do join her.
People I Would Like To Be Friends With
Leonard Rossiter (dead!) - I am, and I've only really just realised this, completely influenced by Rossiter's Reggie Perrin. The weirdest thing is that I live in this neighbourhood where every street is named after a writer - we have Coleridge, Tennyson, Wordsworth amongst others. Reggie lived down Coleridge Close and, on his way to Sunshine Desserts, used to walk down Tennyson Avenue and Wordsworth Drive. Anyway, I'd just love to chew the fat with Leonard and, of course, I'd force him to do it all in character. Which he'd love me for. I'd also have to tell him that I have a strong dislike of Rigsby and Rising Damp but he'd admire my honesty.
David Nobbs - Well, he wrote Reggie Perrin. I'd allow him to be David Nobbs, though, and not one of the characters he created. Not only has Nobbs inspired my attempts at writing, watching CJ also shaped my attitude towards my many and varied employers.
Joe Orton (dead!) - We'd have a laugh. Probably in a toilet or down the library. A bitch about Halliwell. Then we'd co-write something. No hammers allowed.
Keith Richards (amazingly, alive!) - Open tuning, a bottle of Jack, and running through the Stones' finest riffs together before climbing trees.
Haruki Murakami - I'd sit at his feet while he read excerpts from Sputnik Sweetheart and South of the Border, West of the Sun.
Sarah Silverman - Funny lady with more than an ounce of intelligence and aesthetically pleasing to boot.
Terry Gilliam - We'd make films together and, here's where my friendship will pay dividends, bring them in on budget.
Peter Doherty - I like Pete. Hopefully, he'll like me. We'd read yellowing classics and drink tea on the lawn. Kate, who would soon become my friend as well I should think, would probably pop in an appearance with some sarnies wot she made herself and we three would belt out an endless version of La Belle et la Bête as the sun went down.
Larry David - Hours of complaining. What japes.
Lena Headey - Ah, I'm a sucker for beauty. Been a fan ever since seeing her in Loved Up. Would offer her some guidance re the career choices she's made.
There should be more women. I apologise, sisters. Spearritt, Foster, Sabatini, Agutter, Audrey Hepburn, Jennifer Connelly, Ellen, Roseanne, Sue Perkins, Hitomi Kanehara, Banana Yoshimoto, Elizabeth Wurtzel, you can be my friends too. Buster Keaton, Woody Allen, Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce, Harold Pinter, Michael Palin, Douglas Coupland, Bukowski, Fante Jr and Sr, you were almost there too. Don't be too disheartened.
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