Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Cooking hell...

"I've been here before. Hundreds of times." Talking just before the results were announced, Barry McGuigan was under the impression that working in a kitchen to try and win, erm, nothing as the winner of Hell's Kitchen was the same as a prize fight in which, as you knock out your oponent, you are crowned Champion of the World. He wouldn't be allowed to hit Adele. He would, however, be allowed to mash potato. Which, in Barry's addled mind, might be comparable to the time he took Eusebio Pedroza in the seventh, or Bernard Taylor in the ninth, or Danilo Cabrera in the 14th. Still, we must remember that Barry's back catalogue includes appearing in a boxercise video with Samantha Fox called Fighting Fit. "This was really physically demanding," said a kitchen whites-clad victorious Barry, who once fought - and lost - a fifteen round World title fight against Stevie Cruz in the death-inducing heat of the Las Vegas desert. After that fight Barry had to go to the hospital, this time around he'll no doubt be recovering from his gruelling oven-based workout by doing a photoshoot for Heat magazine. Barry winning Hell's Kitchen was, at least from my armchair, a certainty by the end of the first week of this two week pig's trotter dehairing exercise. Barry had the eye of the tiger from day one. Poor Adele. There was a woman who wanted to win this show more than anything in the whole wide world. It was, she said, the best experience of her life, she'll never forget it, she's made some brilliant friends. She needs to get out more, obviously. Adele was a woman who many thought would be the next Jennifer Ellison, given that Jennifer was a soap star (Brookside) and Adele is a soap star (Emmerdale). Sadly, Adele would not taste victory this time around, and will not go on to have a big cosmetically enhanced bust and be a lads' mag starlet like Jennifer. That honour goes, instead, to Barry McGuigan, the undisputed winner of Hell's Kitchen 2007, an inspiration to us all, a man that shows that life goes on and on and on and on and on long after you've reached the very pinnacle of your chosen profession. Who needs a big wide belt to hold aloft when you can cook a sheperd's pie, eh?

1 comment:

Kev Brown said...

Mmmmm Sheperd's pie.....go on Barry!