Thursday, October 04, 2007


Terrifically cliched moment in Eastenders the other night, when hard-faced old hag Shirley - against the wishes of Phil Park Life Daniels, I hasten to add - was telling Deano Wicks how to behave should he get banged to rights for recent crimes. "When you're in the nick," says Shirl, "do yer time, keep yer head down, don't fink yer Mr Big Shot, don't bend down and pick up the soap in the shower, just do yer stretch and keep yer nose clean and try and get on wiv yer cell mates and da screws and eat yer porridge and say hello to Fletch and Godber and Mr Mackay and..." Five minutes later he was fleeing the country.

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