25 Things...

Yes, it's happened to me. I was tagged, over on Facebook, with this 25 Things About Me meme and was unable to resist talking about, well, me. Yawn.

1. The first single I ever bought – at the age of six - was Benny Hill's Ernie The Fastest Milkman In The West, a moving song with a strong sense of narrative. Oh, the irony, when I worked for a time as a milkman. That's two things, isn't it? If I run out at the end I'll take that second one back.

2. The first album I ever bought was by Mike & Bernie Winters and I bought it when we were on a family holiday in Scarborough. The weather was so hot that, when I got it home, the LP had warped and was completely unplayable, so I never did hear it. Which is probably a good thing.

3. Because I hated football, I used to lend my rather swish Adidas United football boots to a friend at school called Andy, who didn't have any boots of his own, to get out of the lesson.

4. I drove a Mini into the back of a Volvo once, leaving the Volvo completely unharmed and the Mini a write off.

5. I have a first class degree but nobody has ever asked to see the proof.

6. I hate people that borrow things from me long term because they heard 'I want them back as soon as possible' as 'please keep them forever'. Please return: Curb Your Enthusiasm Series 4, Maus, Deep Purple In Concert, Murakami's South of the Border, West of the Sun, the Christopher Guest box set and all that other stuff. Or I'll kill you. All of you.

7. I once took the lid off a Big Mac and found that the burgers were covered in ink.

8. The 'c' word has been censored from the last three plays that I have written.

9. I was a member of CND.

10. I miss every dog I ever owned and look forward to meeting all of them again on whatever plane exists outside of this one.

11. I once lost consciousness in a green room and regained it only to find that Agyness Deyn was looking down at me. In a somewhat misguided show of concern, she passed me another beer.

12. The first gig I went to was Ozzy Osbourne's Blizzard of Oz.

13. Madras, my favourite curry, makes me hiccup every time without fail.

14. I own a Fender Telecaster. I don't own much. But you can have it, if you want it, and if it will make you smile. Happiness is all we have, really, remember that.

15. Peter Kay, before he made it, sent 400 words about Laurel & Hardy to me in the post.

16. I dislike ambitious people and find them very disturbing.

17. I don't think that we should be reviving 400-year-old plays in contemporary theatre spaces.

18. I think that ice hockey is the greatest team sport ever invented.

19. When I used CB radios in the late 70s and early 80s my rather cute and cuddly 'handle' was Bloodsucker.

20. The significance of the number 42 is beginning to drive me mad.

21. I think that there are too many coincidences for all this to be a mere coincidence.

22. I have hated every moment of being employed by other people.

23. When I had an office space in a loft I spent more time going up and down stairs to visit the fridge than I ever did working.

24. I knew exactly when my dad died, even though I didn't make it to the side of his bed in time. Because I saw the lights go out and felt him moving on.

25. I know that it will never be as good as that first standing ovation. Ever. No matter how hard I try or how good I may get.