Tonight I went to the theatre. The seating comprised hard plastic seats and I sat next to a man who was so large he occupied half of my seat too. Which, as if my current injuries aren't bad enough on their own, was hideously uncomfortable. I tried to move the chairs apart at the interval only to discover that they were bound together. The man smiled at me but didn't move. He suggested the bondage-style seating arrangement was, in some way, Larkinesque (the play, Something Hidden, is about Philip Larkin and the women in the poet's life). Which, of course, it wasn't. They f*k you up, those seat hogging audience members.