Tuesday, July 17, 2007

St...st...st...st...st...st...

There's some new branding in Hull. It involves two letters: st
These two letters are being used to good effect. You can highlight that a new retail and leisure development is a new start for Hull. You can prefix Stephen's with a st or suffix High with a st. And, erm, loads of other stuff. It's like, wow, everything round here's gone st and st is going to take us to a higher state of consciousness. st is like a new drug around these parts, we all need our fix of st and before we know it the Pride, Freedom, Belief, Change banners will go and st signage will replace them, and all Hull residents will be fitted with st implants. Every instance of st gets the st treatment: 'some of the largest units available in the city centre', 'accessed by new stations for bus and rail' and 'more than a shopping destination' the st Stephen's development website screams, just in case we haven't got it yet. What does st say? We're simply the best. Or, just maybe, we're the shittest at coming up with anything that transcends the usual bullshit marketing that short-sighted visionary creatives dream up between polishing the lenses in their Alain Mikli glasses? Here's your logo, get the large cheque in the post as quick as you can. st? Let's be honest: It's sterile, stupid and stinks.
Anyway, despite my unhealthy cynicism we're all getting behind this new development. Not because centre manager David Laycock has asked us to, on the telly, no less, but because we fancy doing a bit of shopping in a big greenhouse, pretending, as we meander through the 18m wide mall, that we're in a High st. You know, the High st that we killed off when we built these fancy glass-encased shops. But it was worth it, cos we also get a new cinema multiplex to go with the others, a low-budget hotel and 2,500 service industry jobs. Whoopee! As for a new start, shouldn't we have finished the other Hull first before setting about inflicting a new one on the country?

Meeting about the play. Fruitful, infectious enthusiasm in the room and all bordering on the very exciting. But much work ahead as I wrestle with the shape of the ruddy thing. It's a mismatch - the play, if it were a wrestler, would be The Undertaker. Whereas I'm a chancer climbing through the ropes in a pair of ill-fitting, baggy Y-fronts. I need to get my hands on some allegorical steroids.

1 comment:

Music Man said...

I think a strip club is missing from the development.
I like the way you end the post on 'steroids'. With technique like that you will win by two falls and a submission.