A surplus of meat...

More weird stuff encountered. I was intrigued, shall we say, when I drove past a small refrigerated lorry that was emblazoned with 'Royal Meat'. Is this meat that is for consumption only by those with royal blood - surely not, that would be too niche a market - or is it meat carved from royals? Or, most likely, just some skanky processed meat company with delusions of grandeur. I so wish I'd had a device with me that would have allowed me to provide photographic evidence. A quick Google throws up several companies with the same name. There's obviously a surplus of royal meat about.

Then, there was the most peculiar puppet show we witnessed at the Pearson Park 150th birthday celebrations. Now that I did take a photograph of. While the show itself was somewhat, well, unusual and a consummate lesson in audience alienation (the children above were all sneering at the puppeteer), I'm utterly baffled by the creepy looking man that appears to the left of the image, who I didn't notice at the time. What is he doing? Why does he squat so? Does he have CRB clearance?

Peculiar encounters...

Out early. Which might account for a couple of strange people I avoided fully engaging with this morning. Walking past the cemetery gates I eyed a gent in full cowboy regalia; the illusion that this might be an actual cowboy shattered by his frenetic mobile phone keypad punching. Then there was a chap on a main arterial road waving a copy of a book titled No Mercy from the Japanese in my face. I think I've seen the latter before - several months ago and a little bit further up the road, that time brandishing a weighty tome about the Somme, which he held up and displayed to passing traffic. As much as I love this city and its people, it does throw up some peculiar encounters.

Oh buoy...

Accompanied daughter to Hull History Centre. She was doing some research into the Grade II listed Trinity House Buoy Shed which, well, used to be a store for buoys when Trinity House was responsible for such matters (according to a Heritage and Development Management document "the former buoy shed is a rare surviving example of a largely unaltered building characteristic of port or harbour installation"). The History Centre is a relatively new facility and it's great, nay fantastic, that there's a 'one stop shop', as brainless marketing turds would have it, for the city's archives. It was also almost guaranteed to attract a herd of strange, eccentric and wayward folk. There was no shortage today, including one chap who appeared to be photocopying almost every historical map the centre holds. Then there were the others, whose sole purpose appears to be not to look at any archive material at all but just to announce, very loudly, what they already know of Hull's history. The staff take all this in good spirits. I was especially impressed with the understanding shown to one chap who turned up at the counter with the strange request "I need you to tell me what my father's real surname was" and another who had arrived with a dusty map that he insisted must be loaned to the archive because "folk will be interested in it." No doubt they all thought we were lacking in something too, as we digitally captured some vaguely relevant documents. Hanging about, while daughter did her thing, I learned some new stuff. Oh, and I laughed at P. Larkin's polka dot bow tie. Anyway, here's Hull, 1852:

Party in the park...

Went to the free West Fest "arts and sports community festival" in Hull's West Park today. We went early. It was a bit quiet. More security than anyone else. Ground underfoot was a bit soggy after last night's rain, so I'll let the city's residents off for their tardiness. I'm sure when it firmed up everyone headed out and by the time Rolling Stones cover band Stikky Fingers took to the 'Party Stage' the park was bursting at the seams with punters. Walked past then had a quick look in the acoustic tent. Felt a bit sorry for the lad on stage (Martin Wainwright I think - although do feel free to correct me) who was putting a lot of effort in. As I say, it was a bit quiet.

Rotting away...

Think I scared the life out of M yesterday when I took a detour and ploughed down the back streets of Hessle Road. We wound down the roads surrounding the ruins of Hull FC's old home the Boulevard. This area, which I spent a lot of time in and around as a young rugby league and speedway fan, is in serious decay. M had never seen any of these streets before. I doubt she'll want to go back in a hurry. Now, I'm sure some of the people that live in the houses of Cadogan Street, Camden Street, Gordon Street, Airlie Street and the rest are lovely. But, driving slowly down this once proud area, it looks and feels like a ghetto. This is the 21st century - how and why do we allow entire neighbourhoods to rot and disintegrate?


View Larger Map

With this road trip in mind we were both a bit shocked this morning when we checked the Hull Dreary Mail's website and were confronted with this - a story about the redevelopment of the site where the Boulevard just about still stands. The comments are insightful.

Sticking it out...

In town filming some footage for a Larkin25 project I'm involved with. A dearth of people with anything to say, other than "never heard of him". Then a chap outside of Waterstone's starts waxing lyrical. "There's that Nick Cave song, yeah? Where he talks about Larkin being stuck in the library in Hull. I find it amazing that there's this songwriter from Aussie writing about a poet from Hull, don't you?"

Karl Marx squeezed his carbuncles
while writing Das Kapital
And Gaugin, he buggered off, man,
and went all tropical
While Philip Larkin stuck it out
in a library in Hull
And Dylan Thomas died drunk in
St Vincent's hospital

from Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds' There She Goes, My Beautiful World

Breaking the silence...

Been at the coal face of writing again so have mostly been saving my words for that. Do forgive my absence. Yesterday, between shifts, we went to the tail end of the Hull Carnival. I can only hope that the front end was absolutely ruddy marvellous because what we saw was a poor excuse for 'carnival'. More a big load of public sector and armed forces PR, the point of which was, well, PR, but there seemed to be no point nor reason , at all, to this event. Always keen to participate and support such stupid ideas, we visited it all, grabbed a few freebies (including a tin of mints from a small mound that seemed unduly neglected until, having asked a woman from NHS Hull if I could have them, I realised they had Erectile Dysfunction emblazoned upon the the tin. I have since taken pride and great delight in sharing them around) and mumbled at how pathetic it all was. The Lord alone knows what any visitors from beyond the city boundary made of it all although I would imagine they went back to their proper cities feeling very sorry for the poor unfortunates of Hull.

Having taken a shine to a coaster, pencil and ruler set made from recyclable material, I was forced to take a test - along with lots of ten year olds - that saw me sorting a bag of rubbish into the different coloured bins that we enjoy in Hull. I passed with flying colours but, dizzy from such glittering entertainment, forgot to pick up the pencil to complete the set that my efforts deserved. Note, in the pic above, the woman who appears to be snogging a green balloon. The only high point of the trip was a vintage car rally outside the Streetlife museum.

Other than that was glad to get home. Wonder how much cash Visit Hull & East Yorkshire will claim was spent by tourists during all this pap?

Tobacco road...

A rather overweight, shoddily dressed and obviously drunk young woman wobbles down the pavement in my general direction.

Sometimes, I think, you really do take your life into your hands when you walk from the city centre down any of Hull's main arterial roads during the hours of darkness.

"Have you gorra cig you?" she shouts "I need a f*cking cig."

I apologise for not smoking and my inability to provide her with the necessary goods.

"Burr I needed a f*cking cig. Gerrrout me way."

She wobbles past me, I laugh, then she adds.

"Yorra f*cking English bastard you. A f*cking English bastard."

Funny, I was thinking the same thing of her.

This tale is available, free of charge, to Hull's destination management organisation Visit Hull & East Yorkshire.

The boat comes in on Thursday...

Afternoon taking in the spring rays around and about Hull's Marina. The trip included a pint outside the Holiday Inn, where we drank and pretended we were lovely and warm as a cold breeze breezed through. Finn, 2yrs and 4 months, enjoyed looking at the various seafaring vessels. So much so that he demanded that his Nana purchase one. "That one, that one. Blue!" he went on. Time is of the essence for Finn, who wants the vessel by "Thursday! Thursday!" Either that or he was eyeing up my Becks Vier and telling me he was thirsty. No, it must have been Thursday.

Open for old business part II...

I was on the radio today and, having said on air that I'd call in to and have a poke about the new Hull History Centre, I thought I better be true to my word. So I slipped in through the back door. Where I more-or-less immediately bumped into someone from the city council's press office that I know and, more-or-less immediately after that, bumped into someone from the University of Hull's press office that I know. The latter very kindly gave me a very personalised tour of the facilities, including the upstairs climate and temperature-controlled store rooms that are designated 'out-of-bounds' to the public. As part of the launch several important documents had been put on display, including the city charter that I've met and blogged about on a previous occasion, and, something I've not seen at close quarters, one of Philip Larkin's original notebooks, complete with scribbles and annotations and very spidery, slightly insane handwriting. Smashing and not quite the low-key walk through towards the general direction of my car that I actually had in mind. Seems like a place that will be very 'people friendly' although, as is quite unfathomably the case with all library-type facilities, several of the most peculiar types were already in residence at the microfish. Also amongst the peculiar in attendance were Hull City Council's cabinet members who, also unfathomably, appeared to be holding a meeting on the premises.

Open for old business...

Hull History Centre - the new £10m pound home for the city's archives - opens for business today. So I expect that lots of old folk will be heading there to look at old stuff and will be helped by the rather eccentric but knowledgable folk that staff the place. It's a far cry from where a lot of this old stuff was held, which I blogged about a couple of years ago when I got my hands on the city charter, and I'm looking forward to sticking my nose in, donning white gloves and grappling with some historical documents at the earliest opportunity. Not least because the local paper highlighted at the weekend that, when some of the land upon which this new centre has been constructed was, back in the 19th century, sold by 'the father of football' Ebenezer Cobb Morley, it was to "someone called Windass". "It is not known," the HDM goes on, "if there is any connection to Hull City hero Dean." Nor, for that matter, whether there's any connection to yours truly. I need to know!

Naturally, being a nosy bleeder, I tried to catch a preview as I trotted past the centre the other day. Staff were, understandably, busy popping dozens of bound volumes on shelves, and I attempted to take a photo thru the glass. What I got was something a tad odd but a little interesting. The reflection is of Hull's Central Fire Station and, to the right, a little bit of me.

Little bumps and scrapes...

Shocking snippet in a story in today's Hull Daily Mail about the 'trouble hit £520,000' problem-plagued Carp fire appliance that Humberside Fire & Rescue Service jointly procured with South Yorkshire Fire Service in 2007. To cut a page three lead short, the thing has never been in service, doesn't work and has had to be sent to Holland for, the report tells us 'functional improvements, as well as some remedial work'. Functional improvements and remedial work that will cost £45,000. The shocking bit is that the HFRS spokesperson said that half of that money would have to have been spent anyway "on sorting out little bumps and scrapes incurred during training runs". £22,500 on little bumps and scrapes?! They're patently going to the wrong Dutch garage. Couldn't they do what the rest of us do and pick up a scratch kit from Halfords?

Full Carp story at Hull Daily Mail

Extrawurst...

There is currently a German Market in Hull city centre, part of the city's festive entertainment. I have heard a few people complaining, saying silly things like, "Why are they here? Is there a Hull market in Germany?" This suggests that Hull's markets are exportable. The all-year-round market that takes place twice a week not a million miles from our house is a notorious outlet for counterfeit goods and, on Sundays, is more of a car boot sale than a place to head for fresh foodstuffs. Germany would not want it. Last night, at around 6pm, as we were killing some time before heading to the cinema, myself and son Sam wandered around the visiting German Market. We were, aside from the German stallholders, the only people there. Which was a little strange but rather typical. I say hurrah for Extrawurst, Fleischwurst and juicy old Bierwursts. But, it would appear, I'm in the minority.

Booze problem...

Interesting par in a story about Hull being a "booze problem area" in today's Hull Daily Mail:

"Hull has been rated as one of the worst places in the country for alcohol-related hospital admissions caused by alcohol."

Caused by alcohol? Yes, that'd make sense. But the numbers don't stack up when you read on:

"Last year more than 700 people in the city were admitted due to drinking.

"Nationally there were more than 863,257 alcohol-related admissions to hospital in England in 2007/8." I'll let you do the math but that doesn't suggest that this "booze problem area" is the biggest offender.

Adelphi...

Hull's Adelphi Club is 25 years old. There's a great installation at the Ferens Art Gallery that sums up the importance of the club and those 25 years. Lots of interesting video looped round and around which is well worth a watch and the bus, covered in Adelphi flyers. Tax = £Free. Only on 'til Monday though.

I've seen the future and it will be...

In the 1950s, the western world's fascination with technology and science fuelled design like never before. Right there, in that present, people were provided with houses and cars that screamed 'the future'. Cars that were equipped with fins fit for take-off; curvy furniture that occasionally resembled marshmallows; kitchen appliances that looked capable of getting you to the moon and back. The future, when it came, was nothing of the sort. As we all clamour to work out what the digital future is/should be and get one step ahead of the zeitgeist (the avant avant garde?) are we, I pondered over a slice of pizza and a cheese savoury doorstep, simply creating another retro-future?


Today, I spent much of the day at Hull Digital Live 09 - 'Hull's very own Digital and Technology Conference'. It was fun and the speakers were, on the whole, very good. We started with bacon sarnies (why, they know the way to a geek's heart!) and vast vats of coffee, and we were regularly fed and watered throughout.

I made some notes. A potted and highly inaccurate version of the day's speakers, if you like. BBC Tech reporter Rory Cellan-Jones was first up. 'How Digital is Britain?' went the question on his first Power Point slide. He provided an historical overview of all things wired which, I assume, was aimed at those who have been asleep since 1995 when Rory first arrived online via a mysterious device called a modem, a thing that, he told the room that laughed in response, made funny noises. There were difficult-to-glean-anything-from maps of hotspots and notspots, a chat about connection speeds and Rory's favourite word, it became apparent, is 'scraped', which he uses instead of 'downloaded' but, in doing so, makes the internet feel a bit grubby and dirty. I should point out that Rory, along with Charles Arthur, was one of my faves on the day - he had a nice line in self-deprecating wit and further endeared himself when he spoke about the "sheer hunger for connectivity" in Rwanda and the One Laptop Per Child scheme that has paid dividends in Kigali, Nigeria. He also dismissed the current vogue that, somehow, suggests that broadband access is a 'right' that we should all be provided with a la gas, electricity and water.

Number 2 (a cheap laugh there, for those who like their toilet humour) was Jaan Orvet of noded.biz, telling us about the philosophy that is noded which, run for the hills oh mighty organisations and archaic outmoded businessfolk, is all about individuals. I feel as if I have been noded for some time. It's getting the others to think like that too. Nice philosophy. But so was the white bicycle of the freethinking, liberated 1960s. Great speaker, mind, and a tad trippy with it - either that or I'd had too much coffee already.

Ah, Charles Arthur. The Grauniad's Tech Ed. 'Newspapers are Changing - Are You?' was his title. Charles told us about his evolving role, his loathing of press releases, his changing news sources (they are "meeting people, twitter, in excess of 500 RSS feeds, news websites, the occasional press release via email. I'd rather not use press releases at all"). He has no time for anniversary journalism, no time, in case we hadn't heard it, for press releases. Most of his ideas come from his blog consumption and, he pointed out, the Grauniad finds writers through blogs. Embargoes, in case you're a PRO intent on sending him a press release that he won't use, are pointless due to the rapid speed that news rolls at these days. Charles and his colleagues at the Graun no longer think of writing for a physical media; they write for web first then re-purpose. He is a man who 'gets it' and the need to engage with readers.

Yorkshire Forward's Stuart McFarlane was, perhaps, always going to struggle taking to the podium after such a fine speaker and wearing such thick, bottle-bottom glasses. His summary of the Digital Britain Report was...well, it was that. Public money. Being invested. Yorkshire the innovator. YF in conversation with KC, Hull CC, Hull Forward, usual suspects, etc etc. I'm sure some people like this kinda thing.

Mike Butcher I liked. Mad and as funny as a box of frogs with a 'prison gag' jokebook, he's the UK and Europe Editor of Techcrunch. "Product," he told any prospective startups in the room, "is a must". He hailed the return of professional content and targeted editorial. Amen to that. "And why does anyone need to know you're even from Hull?" he asked, in the home of Hull City AFC and Hull FC, "Internationalise!!!" A question led to the revelation that there is a group of Angels with money to burn in Yorkshire. They gather under the fine, Flintstonesesque acronym YABA.

Rob Palmer, Newcastle Upon Tyne born web designer who has branded himself as branded07.com. He likes birds. In his designs, that is. The programme noted that Rob is "famous for his Puffins". In simpler days, when print was king, those Puffins were an imprint of Penguin. But no more, they're Rob's now. "Effective over flashy," was Rob's mantra, summing up that good design, well-written copy and cutting edge interactivity will get you far. I also sensed a little anti-IE6 in the room.

Kai Gait is the Digital Commerce Marketing Manager for GlaxoSmithKline, which leads me to believe his business cards must be wider than the norm. Oh, the pharmaceutical world sounds a thrilling place to operate. Especially when Kai refers to it as 'pharma' which brings to mind a world of manual labour, shovels, manure, livestock and milk maids, as opposed to prescription drugs with bad side effects. "Build for search, write for search," he said, between highlighting the strict codes of the pharma industry that prevent him idling his days away on social networks.

AudioBoo's Karen Barber, bless her, had a 'mare. I've not watched anything like it since Tommy Cooper died on stage during Live From Her Majesty's pulling a ladder between his legs and/or that time that Ricky Gervais danced like a dad at a disco in front of a sold-out Wembley Stadium audience. I was beginning to wonder if Kai was going to have to administer some GSK sedatives but, thankfully, Karen's shaky ways subsided and she got into her stride once the slides moved round to booing proper.

In the headline slot and rounding things off in stye was Anand Verma, of Sapient Interactive. They have big clients. He had a nice presentation and a lovely demeanour that sucked me right in and had me nodding my head enthusiastically at the news that "the linear world has become a diffuse brand experience". I had knocked back around 20 mugs of coffee by this time, mind. Anyway, trends: #1 physical meets digital; #2 social media and distributed content enabling communities; #3 mobile marketing; #4 augmented reality; #5 next generation. Listening and targeting. "I feel like I'm summing up the whole day," chuckled Anand, knowing that he was, the clever fella. He showed us some augmented reality, which saw a piece of paper wafted in front of a webcam bring forth, Aleister Crowley Magick stylee, a plasma tv. No, it wasn't the coffee.

And that, give or take the usual sponsors mentions and many thanks raining down on several people who needed a nap by then, including organiser Jon Moss, was that. Well done Hull Digital 09, you done good and were a right proper conference. Is it the future? Is it now? Or is it the 21st century equivalent of vintage Pyrex dishware? We shall see. Probably this time next year.

Deeply dippy...

Today we went back to The Deep. We have a family ticket and, having paid for one visit, can go back throughout the year for no entrance charge, with an option to make a charitable donation. I didn't think too much of The Deep when it first opened - it seriously underwhelmed me. But I've grown to love the place. If you've never been, here's a look inside...

Mr Spliff...

I met Brian Fell a couple of weeks ago. He's a sculptor based in Glossop who has been in Hull working on the public art at the back of a warehouse that I first mentioned back in August. His sculptures tell a mini-story of the city and are crafted from mild steel that is finished to look rather like lead. The work, which is a unique design for what would otherwise just have been one of many riverside flood-defence walls, was funded by the Heritage Lottery Fund. When he posed for the photograph above Brian was keen to wear protective eye goggles to demonstrate that he adhered to health & safety rules but, unable to find them in the back of his van, hopped up his ladder and angle grinded away happily, sparks flying all over the shop. Anyway, today when I walked past I noticed that the wall has already been defaced. The defacer's art is just as valid if, I assume, a little cheaper to produce. Here's what's been done:

Twisted firestarters...

Went to see a preview of Carabosse's Fire Installation down at the Fruit Market, Hull. Really enjoyed it. Lots of 'VIPs' swanning about proud of themselves - as if they, not the artists, were responsible. Here's a lo-res glimpse courtesy of my shoddy little camera:

Positive spin where it doesn't belong...

I don't want to just keep knocking the Hull Daily Mail. I've still got lots of mates there and they do a really good job in the face of enormous pressure and constant cost-cutting efficiencies whilst having to deal with that fallout from some rather absurd managerial strategies. But... rather strange - if factually correct - choice of headline on an education story today:

A 100 per cent improvement sounds rather good, doesn't it? But David Lister, the failing school in question, is starting from a pretty low base. Last year, as the report does point out, just 10 per cent of pupuls left with five A*-C GCSEs. A 100 per cent improvement ain't looking so great now, is it? And, thus, the headline looks rather silly. But not as silly as the school and its inappropriately boasting headteacher. "We are absolutely delighted for the kids - it is fantastic." What?? What about the 80 per cent you've let down? No wonder the school's f**cked when the head is so overjoyed with achievements that don't even come close to mediocre. The headline spin - because that's what it is, if it isn't a sub having a laugh - is somewhat misplaced.

Fully story here.