5 Live Hull...

Spent most of today at BBC Radio 5Live events in Hull - Simon Mayo's show which, naturally, included Kermode and Mayo's Film Review then, after a brief interlude for coffee at BBC Radio Humberside's HQ and a meander to the fantastic Ye Olde White Harte for a couple of beers, Colin Murray's 5LiveSports show followed by Murray and Lovejoy's Sports Express. All most enjoyable and a really nice photo opp for Tim Lovejoy, who was desperate to smile and get his arm round an obscure playwright. The only downside of the day was an Annie Hall-style experience in the queue at Vue Cinema for the Mayo gig. A straggle-haired, overweight and slightly smelly film geek who, I deduced, is a reviewer for independent local radio, was proferring his reviews of every instance of moving pictures since the zoopraxiscope was patented in 1867 to everyone else in the queue. He spoke ridiculously loudly that it's a wonder you didn't hear him. He was, to use a choice word, a twat. But I suppose it was to be expected given the event. It was, as I suggest, very much like this:

Voluptua...

An hour with performing arts students down at Hull College, followed by a few short hours trialling my new little netbook on the road (well, in a pub). I wrote a short film, the combination of an 'almost full-size keyboard', decent surroundings and a couple of lagers (optional). I am very enamoured with my netbook - it's the cheapest on the market but, as a portable writing device with wi-fi enabled, it's a damn fine thing.

As for Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand, well, their recent phone calls to Manuel (don't call him that!) are nothing short of what I'd expect of those two. The bulk of the complaints all appear to have followed somewhat after the fact, prompted by the rage from a host of (Tory, BBC-knocking) media outlets who don't usually pay too much service to self censorship and self regulation. I wonder how many people have heard said audio? I have. At the time of writing it's available here. It's not very funny. It's pretty peurile. And they go on far, far too long with a tired and dull idea. But it's not, as the reports suggest, just Brand and Ross repeatedly stating that Brand has f***ed Manuel's (don't call him that!) granddaughter. At one point, Russell sings the news! Extremely upsetting to read on the outraged Daily Mail's website that the woman at the centre of all the fuss - Andrew Sachs' (yes! Call him that!) granddaughter Georgina Baillie - has cut short a European tour because of the public humiliation she has been subjected to. Poor thing. Georgina, who goes by the name Voluptua, was touring with a burlesque dance troupe that goes by the name of the Satanic Sluts performing, according to her myspace today, violent, horrific and sexy shows. Cripes. I might phone Manuel (don't call him that!) about that...

Alf...woah there!

I laughed out loud and heartily as I listened to a sports phone-in on the local radio station and the studio guest read out a text message from Alf Akanybody. I couldn't believe it. But, on reflection and while getting M to listen to the subject of my mirth via the miracle of the BBC iplayer, it became quite apparent that the text message reader knew exactly what they were reading out. Boo. The damn media.